Dear Caroline
by lemacd
Summary: Eva writes a letter about the first couple months after she left Walnut Grove... it's a prequel to the sequel to 'Redeemed'...


**A/N: This piece of fanfic is an attempt to bridge my first Hiram/Eva story "redeemed" to the sequel; the idea is to be able to jump forward on the timeline and not get bogged down getting there. I hope it works and gives you an idea of what is going to come in the next story. Thanks.**

Dear Caroline,

I'm writing to you not because I labor under any delusions that the good folks of Walnut Grove have wondered what became of me or because you specifically did not figure it out. I left with Hiram that day because he wanted to marry me and I accepted. He asked if wanted to say goodbye to anyone. You came to mind immediately but the opportunity was not convenient so I said that I did not. You did so much for me in my last months in Walnut Grove and proved to be a true friend and I want you to know that I miss you. I hope you understand why it happened the way it did.

We rode all night to Mankato where we made preparations to board a train for Minneapolis in the late morning. The first order of business was to find the Justice of the Peace and get married. To describe it would make it sound like a dreadfully unceremonious affair, but I found the simplicity incredibly beautiful and fitting. I have attended enough weddings in my life to quote the vows by heart, but that day they were fresh and meaningful. Love, cherish, faithful until death parts us… to make those promises to another person is humbling. Although we didn't have rings, it still seemed so complete.

Hiram later confessed to me on the train that he didn't understand how deeply lonely he was until that moment and I completely understand what he meant. It is not good for man and woman to be alone. Marriage always seemed like a huge undertaking, but in the end it takes away loneliness, a heavy burden you never know was there until it is gone.

As Christmas draws near and we reflect back on the past year, we try to cover the tragedies with counted blessings. There is not a day that goes by when Hiram doesn't tell me that I am the greatest blessing in his life. I want to cry as I write to you that my affection for him has grown into a deep love, deeper than I ever thought possible. All my worries of being a real wife to him have vanished and I discovered that true love means that I can trust him intimately… body, mind and spirit.

When we first arrived in the city, we met Dr. Samuel Weber and his lovely wife, Katharine. Dr. Weber is Hiram's good friend from his medical school days and the one who recommended him for the new clinic. They have been incredibly helpful as we adjust to this new life. Katharine is as refined as you'd expect for someone in her social position, but down to earth and kind. We took a liking to each other immediately and I'm thankful for her friendship now. Being a doctor's wife has obligations and expectations I never knew existed. She has been extremely patient and maybe even amused while helping me navigate this role. I'm a doctor's wife. Writing it on paper still doesn't make it seem more believable to me.

Hiram's new position at the hospital clinic was not simply a career change, but a tremendous promotion in the medical world. He has eased into it with great grace. He tells me that many of his patients are frontier folk and immigrants bound to the city until their fortunes are such that they can venture out to a better life. I envy them as I miss our prairie town so much, but for me, this is the better life that I needed. Hiram's familiarity with their situations have made him an effective doctor and well loved already.

This is the part of the letter where I confess to you that it has not been as easy for me to adjust. Katharine has tried hard to introduce me to her friends and while they assure me that being a doctor's wife makes me important, it doesn't feel really important. Not in the same way that teaching made me feel. I miss it so much. I don't want to belittle my new friends who have been nothing but good to me. They just don't understand. Then again, how could they?

As perfect as this life is for us, I remain unsure of many things. I cannot seem to bring myself to be excited about this baby. It is a reminder of a dreadful part of my past and I cannot seem to connect with this life inside me. I know in my heart that this is unfair to the child and to Hiram who is simply beside himself with anticipation, so I pretend for his sake. I fear that I'm not very convincing.

Please share the general information of this letter with anyone you think would care to know it. The rest is for your eyes only, Caroline. I wish I could talk about many things in person, but sometimes we have to accept the changes life gives us. Despite everything, I know I'm happier now than if I had stayed in Walnut Grove.

Give my love to your family.

Sincerely, Eva Baker


End file.
